My dearest Ant Man,

I am so sorry you have to watch me cry. I am so sorry that I cannot get down on the floor and play with you for days at a time, sometimes weeks. I am so sorry that you have to deal with the issues that come with my multiple sclerosis for your entire life.

I know you don't understand why I can't run or walk very fast to do anything, let alone play with you. I know you don't understand why I can't get up after I lay down for a while. I know you don't understand why I have to go to bed when it's still daytime, sometimes. I can't imagine how difficult that can be for you... and it hurts me to know that this won't get any better.
All I want for you is to have a full and happy childhood. It's not fair for you to have to be stuck in the house on beautiful weekends because your mommy can't get out of bed. It's not fair that we couldn't go to the park tonight, after you were so wonderful and helpful all day, because my muscle spasms aren't letting me move farther than from the floor to the bed.

I know that you want to cuddle, but it hurts so bad to hold you. I want nothing more than to pick you up and swing you around and hug and kiss you a hundred times, but I can't even lean over to hug you. I am so sorry that I can't reach the car that rolled under the couch, and I know it was your favorite car. I'm sorry you have to eat easy microwavable meals until I recover from these spasms. I am sorry I can't take care of you the way I should.

I know that the spasms will only last a few days, and the recovery only a couple or a few weeks after, but I also know they will happen again and again. I know that this is not the first or the last of a long line of symptoms you will have to deal with for the rest of my life. For that, I am sorry.
I know you don't understand why these things are happening, and you deserve so much better. I am sorry I can't be all the mommy that I want to be to you. I'm sorry that I can't sit and help you put together your CONTINUE READING

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