Lessons Learned: Asking for Assistance
By Denise A. Coleman - 7/24/2011
Multiple Sclerosis (MS) often progresses to a point where people who live with the challenges it brings need assistance doing some things. I started off able to do for myself, then got to a point where hired help for some tasks, but thankfully I was still working so it wasn’t a problem. I am now at the point where I require more assistance than I ever have, and I am on disability now so I have had to overcome my dislike of asking for help.
When I couldn’t work anymore I looked to the MS Society to see what assistance they could provide and was pleased to learn that there were programs to assist people, some just for short-term and others more ongoing. I encourage anyone who needs help to contact the Case Worker at your Society Chapter about services that might be available. Every Chapter depends on the funds available, so we should contribute when we are able.
Those of us with MS know that our needs change as our illness progresses. I found that I was requiring more and more assistance traveling alone in the city. I was unhappy that I had to ask strangers to help me open doors, (http://www.healthcentral.com/multiple-sclerosis/c/39653/47880/dilemma), get something from the top or bottom shelves in grocery stores, or, if I wasn’t on my scooter and was using my crutches, ask someone to carry something for me. This remains the most difficult thing for me to ask of someone.
A bus from NYC to the Hamptons has a pick-up/drop-off stop less than two blocks from my apartment. It makes stops along the way so I could get off and visit my Mom, but it is expensive and doesn’t take wheelchairs or scooters. One day I was hurrying to the stop, carrying an overnight bag that kept hitting me in the leg. No one offered to help me so I asked a young man if he would take my bag. He graciously took the bag, and even walked slowly with me even though I’d told him he could go ahead and leave it on the bus line. I learned an important lesson that day. Many people will not think twice about helping me, if I ask that is.
Last Saturday I took the LIRR out to visit my daughter. The elevator from the station to the platform was out of order. I had a large tote bag with presents for my grandchildren. I do better on stairs with one crutch and the railing as opposed to two crutches. Remembering my past success I asked a young couple to please carry my bag and one crutch to the bottom and just leave the stuff at the bottom or with a conductor. Instead they waited for me to make sure I got on the train okay. I wanted to kiss them but thought they might not appreciate it.
I don’t know if people who help me fully realize the service they provide. I have learned that it is okay to ask for assistance, however it is important to ask nicely and remember the person is doing you a favor; it isn’t something we are ‘entitled’ to.
That’s my Lesson Learned! I am sure many of you have hesitated to ask for help, and in some instances I still do. For the most part, I am pleased to say, most people are happy to be of assistance.
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